You’ve followed all of the sleep advice and have been putting your little one down in a dark room for their sleep – no night light or other distracting light sources. But when they wake up in the middle of the night and cry out, you can’t help but wonder “are they afraid of the dark?”
At what age do children start to become afraid of the dark?
If your little one is under the age of two, then relax. It’s extremely unlikely that they are experiencing any fear of the dark. If they’re waking in the night then it’s usually due to hunger, habit or a sleep association that might need a little work. Fear of the dark tends to develop around the age of two and half, but might emerge anytime between the ages of two and three. In order to be scared of the dark, children need to be exercising lots of imagination and be able to make up fantasies in their minds. You may notice that as their imaginative play develops and they start to do lots of role play during the day, they may start to have more worries about monsters and the dark at night.
Is there anything else that can contribute to a fear of the dark?
Children’s minds will conjure things that they have heard about or seen. So after the age of two, it’s worth being more careful about things that they see or read. There might be programmes that seem harmless to us, but that can feel scary to a toddler. This can include a lot of Disney films, which sometimes have villains that can play on the minds of your little one at night. So pay careful attention to how they react when programmes are on the TV, and try not to have these on in the hour or so before bedtime so that they’re not immediately on your child’s mind. It’s also worth being particularly cautious around times of the year like Halloween where there might be more talk of monsters and scary scenes.
What can I do to help my child if they are afraid of the dark?
If you think your child is experiencing night-time fears, then try the following:
Limit their exposure to stories and films that involve monsters or villains. Take time to talk to them about the fact that these are made-up and can’t ever come over to ‘real life’.
Make sure that they aren’t going to bed over-tired and already in a state of heightened anxiety.
Have a nice, distracting activity before bedtime, such as a happy story book that they really like.
Use a dim red or orange light in their bedtime to illuminate the dark.
Make use of their teddy or other lovey to help them. It can be helpful to put your toddler in the role of protector. Explain that sometimes teddy gets scared of the dark and ask your toddler to tell teddy that there’s nothing to be scared of in the bedroom. Explain to teddy how we can make ourselves feel better when we’re scared. For example, giving one another a hug, taking a deep breath or singing a happy song.
Talk about fears in the daytime, when they feel less real, and not just at bedtime.
Is there anything I should avoid doing?
It’s best not to play into the idea that monsters are real at all. Checking under the bed for monsters or using a ‘magic’ spell that keeps the monsters away all plays into the sense that monsters are real and could be there in future, even if they aren’t tonight. The same goes for taking children into your bed when they wake up afraid. This reinforces the sense that your room is a safe place, but theirs is not.
Instead, help to be the rational part of their brain. Show them how the shadow in the corner was actually cast by their dressing gown hanging on a peg and not by a monster. Try to view their room from their point of view, but provide comfort and reassurance in their own sleep space. Once they feel confident that monsters are just in stories and never in their bedroom then they’ll lose their power to be scary in the same way.
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