How many times have you heard parents talking about their terrible night's sleep? It becomes almost a competition amongst a group of parents - who is getting the least sleep, whose baby is waking the most times during the night? “My baby wakes every hour.” “My baby took two hours to settle.” “I’m so exhausted I can barely function!”
I definitely found myself engaging in those sorts of competitive conversations with my first baby, but I was also at breaking point. I was so exhausted. I found the evenings incredibly stressful, having a baby who would cry for hours each evening and be so hard to settle to sleep. I felt like a terrible mum, unable to sooth my fractious and over-tired baby. After another terrible night I would be emotional and easily frustrated during the day. I realised that my baby wasn't getting the best mum and she wasn't getting the sleep she needed to thrive either, which is when I sought the help of a sleep consultant.
Working with a sleep consultant completely changed things for us. Within a couple of weeks we were no longer spending the evening with a stressed and upset baby. She was happier. She was sleeping so much better. She still woke for a feed, but it wasn’t a battle to get her back to sleep afterwards and that night feed started to feel like a special time rather than a burden. As parents, we had time to unwind and reconnect in the evenings and we woke in the morning well-rested and better able to take on the day.
With my second baby, having trained as a sleep consultant myself, my narrative is so different. I don’t engage in those competitive conversations anymore and I recognise the cries for help beneath those words. I'm proud to have a baby that gets a good night's sleep. I know that I have the energy that I need to interact and play with my baby during the day because I'm sleeping well too.
Don't get me wrong, it does take some work to achieve that good sleep. I adore both of my daughters, but neither are what you might call ‘easy’ babies. They’ve never been the type that will just fall asleep on your shoulder or that you can transfer while sleeping from one place to another. They are both very alert, very sensitive to change and they need the right conditions in order to sleep. Part of my job as their mum is therefore to help them sleep when they need to so that they can fully enjoy their awake time. With my youngest I'm always mindful of her wake windows. I plan days at home to practice settling techniques and she naps in different spaces in order to build flexibility. I’m putting in the groundwork, but the benefits are huge! At 3 months old I now know when I can push her a bit further because I want to take her out to a baby class or to see friends, and how I can get her back on track afterwards. We still get the occasional fractious evening, but most nights she’s asleep by 7 or 8pm and sleeps through to 2 or 3am before waking for a feed and going back to sleep in her cot.
I’ve thrown away my sleepless nights badge and now I get to share that knowledge with other mums and dads so that they can help their own babies and get the sleep that they need to be active, calm and responsive parents during the day too. It’s not rocket science, it’s sleep science and I can guide you through it to better understand your own child and their sleep needs. And trust me, it’s sunnier on this side of the fence. Waking up in the morning knowing that both you and your child are well-rested and ready to have fun together is such a lovely feeling.
If you're ready to trade in your sleepless nights badge then get in touch and let me help you on the path to better sleep. You won't look back, I promise.
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