Bedtime can be such a lovely time with our children, but it can also be a bit of a handful when you’re juggling different needs. Since having my second daughter, I've had to develop new tips and tricks for managing bedtime with a baby and a toddler at the same time. It's particularly tricky on nights when you're managing two on your own! There's definitely no perfect way to handle bedtime with two such young children, but I hope you find some of these helpful.
Get everything ready before you start: Before you get your toddler undressed and into the bath, lay out their pyjamas, sleeping bag and a fresh nappy. If they have a bottle or cup of milk before bedtime then make this up too. Having everything to hand when they jump out the bath means that you can keep them supervised at all times and aren’t having to run between rooms to get things.
Time Your Feeds: Try to feed baby before you start your toddler’s bedtime routine, so that they are hopefully nice and calm and you can focus on your older child.
Go Hands Free: I like to pop the baby into a sling or a bouncy seat while my toddler is in the bath so that I’ve got both hands free while we’re around water. It definitely feels safer that way and I can give my toddler lots of attention.
Divide or Combine: When the baby is very small, it’s easier to do bath and bedtime separately. I keep baby in the sling until after my toddler is in bed (or sometimes pop her into the moses basket in the living room for a few minutes – see number 7) rather than trying to bath two little ones by myself at this stage. When they’re tiny you really need two hands to support them safely in the bath, so the baby has her bath and another feed once my toddler is asleep. Once the baby is old enough to sit in a baby seat in the bath without me needing to support her to stay upright then it’s much easier to start to combine bathtime for the two if you want to.
Don’t forget to connect with your toddler: When the baby is crying it can be really easy to focus on them and start to hurry your toddler along or leave them to play by themselves. However, the hour before sleep, including the bedtime routine, is the time of the day when your toddler most needs to connect with you in order to reduce separation anxiety and settle to sleep more independently. Try your best to find ways to connect through calm activities that they like. You’ll often find me sitting on the sofa before bedtime, feeding the baby in one arm and with my toddler snuggled onto my opposite knee reading a book with me. Get them to help turn the pages if you only have one hand free. Or can you pop baby in a sling or bouncer for 20 minutes while you sit on the floor and play with some toys with your older child. I’m not saying it’s easy, but try to find at least some time before bedtime to give your toddler as much of your attention as you can.
Don’t rush: If bedtime with two parents takes you 30 minutes normally, assume that bedtime on your own is going to take 45. Give yourself plenty of time. Toddlers respond really poorly to being rushed through bedtime and you’ll only end up feeling more stressed and upset yourself too.
Sometimes there will be tears: Accept that sometimes, despite your best laid plans, your two little bundles of joy just aren’t going to stick to the schedule. Perhaps the baby wasn’t interested in food before bathtime, but is now having a complete meltdown just as you’re trying to finish your calm bedtime routine and settle your toddler into bed. Or your toddler refused their nap, is now over-tired and screaming blue murder about having to have a bath and you definitely need both hands to make sure they’re safe and help them calm down. On these occasions, pop the baby somewhere safe like a moses basket and focus on getting your toddler into bed. Once they’re settled you’ll have your hands free to tend to the baby and meet their needs. It’s not ideal to leave them crying for 5 or 10 minutes, but you can only do so much at one time. Just make sure that they are safe and return to them as soon as you possibly can.
Don’t forget to look after yourself too: Two under two is tough, and to be honest, two under three isn’t going to be a walk in the park either! If you’ve got help at hand then use it – someone can be rocking the baby while the other one gets the toddler ready for bed. Give yourself a break, it doesn’t have to be perfect as long as everyone is safe and loved. I hope you have a lovely calm evening ahead of you!
Wishing you all a peaceful night’s sleep! Amy
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